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Work Hard, and Be HappyDecember 04 12/4又混了一个学期，上课，睡觉，应付功课，去纽约，cram for the exam... 不只不觉一个学期就过了。I think life is pretty boring. At the beginning of the semester, I felt excited to go to nyc during weekend to meet him, but now, I just see it as a way to escape this boring PhD life. Feel really tired and sometimes lost on the way between Ithaca and NYC. Sometimes, I feel depressed. I don't know if i am suitable for academia, in another words, I don't think I am smart enough for it. I don't know wut should do for my research, my math is not as good as others who want to do theory, and my english is not as good as those who want to do empirical study, and i even don't know if i have the intuition... maybe I should really work hard, then I will know the whether i am smart enough for this... Going to study harder next semester. I guess I will go to nyc less often in the future... September 25 Busy PhD lifeMy first entry this semester. My first year PhD life is soso (so far so good), met a lot of nice people, studied a lot, went to nyc a lot, and went to class a lot. (only skipped two classes so far) haha. But for some reason, my mood is not that great, and I don't exactly know why. Classes are not too bad, even though I hate Macro; relationship is fine (jl said it is great); ithaca's weather is not too bad yet; also, i also met new friends. Maybe i think phd life is kind of boring and maybe, i miss my J&J.
anyway, two exams next week, kind of screwed. I guess I will work really really really really hard this weekend. No Jling... June 17 life is not toooo badagain, haven't updated my blog for a long time. I guess that's because i am getting old, and have no urge to update my blog and share my feelings. And to be honest, it takes at least 15 mins for me to add a new entry. Or, maybe i am just become lazier... hehe.
Life is not treating me too badly these days, eat, sleep, play tennis, grocery shopping, learn how to drive and cook(still not good), and watch movie... and spend most of the time on internet. I like this kind of life, I mean at least I don't mind for a short period of time ( can't do this for more than 1 month), enjoy sunshine, seafood, can sleep as much as i want, no deadline, and no stress. Maybe the only thing I need to worry about now is the low balance in my bank account, lowest in 3 years. Haha, I guess it's just like Chinese stock index. But I guess it will be fine. I mean my bank account, not sure about Chinese stock (maybe in 5 years).
So, what I am going to do for the rest of the summer? Will stay in California till 26th, and go back to NYC, hang out with my friends, sing, eat, and go shopping! um... what else? "Prepare for grad school?" Are you kidding me? I have been the school for 4 years already!!! Anything else I am missing? maybe will go to atlantic city? but no long a big fan of gambling. I guess my mind is so peaceful right now and really don't feel the need to do anything productive. I guess it's my first time not feeling guilty when I don't do anything productive. Life is good (knock on hard wood), I hope it will continue to be so. April 05 4/5Haha, haven't updated my blog for a while again. Went to duke early this week. It's pretty nice in terms of weather. But I don't think there is enough incentive for me to move out of ithaca. For some reason, I kind of look forward to next sem.
I was going to write a pretty long entry, however, I realized that my long entries are full of complaints. I guess there is nothing much to complain in my life now. Even though I didn't get into my dream school, but I guess I can live with Cornell. life is not treating me too badly either, at least i am in a pretty good mood, but I think I should spend more time on the thesis. Yeah, that's what I am doing now. Haha, so look forward to the spring and summer. January 23 01/22有一段时间没有写blog 了. 最近日子过得还好，但好像好多事都不在自己掌握之中。原本满怀憧憬的grad school application, 也是一团糟。亲爱的prof 到现在也没寄出我的recommendation...也不好多催，只好听天由命。visa 的事也蛮头疼，要是进不了grad school, 还得申请OPT.... 还有就是relationship, hahaha, 不用说，会闲到无聊写blog, 我应该是对现状不满... 有时真的想过放弃，可是又觉得可惜，可有的时候真得很讨厌那种被人遗忘的滋味... 矛盾，迷茫，为什么最后一个学期都不让我轻松点呢？
算了，抱怨完了还是得做该做的事。 让自己忙些吧，充实些... December 16 end of semesterSoooo tired these days! I was overwhelmed by the job interviews, GRE, school work and application for grad schools!
I think I did fine on my finals, grad schools application went fine I guss...
After this grad school application process, I finally realize how crappy my writing is! i guess one goal for this winter will be finish reading War and Peace!!!
hopefully i will have a good rest, enjoy the nice weather in west coast, sleep, read, and waste time! hehehe December 01 12/1Haven't written any blog in another two weeks. MJ came for the thxgiving break, but i was too busy study GRE, didn't spend enough time with her. Fortunately, GRE was not too bad, given that I had only studied for a week.
Grad school application is pretty painful, still pretty confused about my future, too many things to think...
I think I should be happy to be in a relationship, but sometimes, I just think too much... which is not healthy.
Winter is coming, not excited about it at all! i guess i am going to las vegas, and likely SF. But nothing is comparable to going back to see my parents... pretty sad! don't know why, still feel lonely sometimes!
I guess only thing i can do now is to pray, hope god can give me directions!
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